I am somewhere between a 4 and a 12, at least in the world of my Nanette Lepore dresses. As I stood choosing between two Nanettes tonight, I thought that this is a great metaphor for weight post baby. I don’t know what I am anymore. Looking down at my black shorts (that’s NJ weather’s fault this year – not mine) and Target maternity shirt I’m still donning one year post Ev, (it is THE most comfortable shirt I own), I could potentially be a contender for “What Not to Wear.” Being made over would be secondary to winning the mega millions right now, but my friend Meghan pointed out that I am not bad enough. She’s right. I’m not. I see what not to wear all the time, and think I’d need to be wearing t-shirts like: “Who Needs Men, Eat Chocolate” to be considered.
I have stressed over my size 12 Nanette for awhile. After a late night run to Lord & Taylor for a sundress this summer, I left with four dresses: two were sun, two were not. My size 12 Nanette was not a sundress, but she was beautiful, just a bit too big. Okay, she was as loose as a floozy,with my full bra visible at certain angles. But I loved her regardless.
I had become one of the crazed women that my friend Colleen, the Lord & Taylor General Manager, would tell stories about. Like an addict running into the dressing room while the lights went out for “just one more!” I noticed the sales ladies getting slightly stern with us late night shopaholics. “The store is closing. I’m locking my register. I’m going to have to ask you to leave the dressing room.”
But they didn’t get my plight. I have limited time in the evenings to do the frivolous activities (trying on clothes, staring at myself in mirrors contemplating the size of various body parts) that I previously spent hours on many many moons ago. Didn’t they understand that I have a baby in bed and a husband who gets home at the mercy of public transportation? Maybe they did. My armful of frocks and pleading eyes met a sympathetic sales lady’s and with the unlocking of her register, we were in business.
“I’ll just take them all,” I said. I planned on returning some of them after doing a fashion show for 2 best fashion friend critics. They could help me edit these choices.
And I really did need to edit. If there ever was a time that I should not be putting anything on a credit card, it is now. My credit card has an insanely high interest rate to deter me from swiping it. But I succumbed to Nanette’s beauty.
“So I cannot keep all 4,” I explained after the fashion show as they ogled the Nanette.
“Keep them all,” my sister in law urged.
“Here’s the thing: financially, I shouldn’t.”
Nanette they agreed was not going anywhere.
In my closet she stayed, until the credit card bill came. It happened to come right at the same time as a big vet bill for a pseudo tick (or one of Journey’s warts that I attempted to pull off). It also came right before my son’s 1st birthday, and planning a lengthy trip to California. All of a sudden, I was feeling slightly self-absorbed with my slightly too big Nanette taking up budgetary spending that needed some reallocation.
“I’m running to Lord and Taylor to pay my bill,” I told Mike as he walked in the door after getting off the bus. De ja vu. “I’m returning these two also.” (One being the Nanette and the other a Trina T – she was super cute, but my critics rationalized there were others like her already in my closet, so she was the first on the chopping block).
I intended to return, pay my bill, and walk away from the register. And I did return, pay my bill and walk away from the register – right into the 40% sale rack of dresses with a new Nanette catching my eye. Jeez! Size 4! I’m only going to carry her around to find the bigger sizes. No such luck. She was it. And as I stood in line for the dressing room, again a bit on the later side – I saw that my Nanette 12 and Trina were right there waiting for me too. It wouldn’t hurt to try them on just once more – right??
Seduced again, Nanette 12 and Nanette 4 and Trina T begged to be taken home. And my credit card? Well, let’s just say that I hit the sale jackpot tonight with even greater mark downs making it seem like I got Nanette 4 for free.
So here’s the virtual fashion show and my new ladies in the closet: ) Nanette 4 is already the front runner (see the double coverage below) despite constant comments from Mike about his dislike of patterned dresses. If only he were dressing me in What Not to Wear…
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