Choosing to Reflect in times of Change

I can’t believe it’s been a month since leaving home.  We are falling into the routine of gypsy living, and my 3 bridge commute melts away each time I return. There are magical summer days watching the little guy explore beach living:

finally making friends with his shadow

requests for sand pictures of the no-longer feared “Mr. Met”

riding in his chariot with cutie-pie cousin Cakes

Part of me knows there are bigger forces than myself putting me here now.  I am living in the present moment, soaking up these summer days for all they are worth.

And then there are days I question myself.  I wonder if I’m on the right path.  I freak out a bit (tons!), wanting reassurance I’m moving in some direction. I’m learning I’ve always had my answers.  I just need to get quiet and slow down enough to listen.  While on an archaeological journal dig of the last 4 years, I’m discovering clear intentions which have manifested spilled all over the pages. I celebrated a 4 year anniversary with some special people last week.  They are my transformational love tribe.  We’ve celebrated births, (3 babies and 4 grandbabies in the group), gallery openings, promotions, off-Broadway shows, cross country moves, new & old relationships, marathons, triathlons, and our insane good times whenever we come together.  I love these folks (and those with us in spirit!) with my whole heart. Before meeting them, I had an unscheduled hour to myself.  I crossed the street to the hotel where we’d met in a series of transformational workshops.  I did not realize initially how destined I was to be with this group, with big personal leaps on the horizon.

Each corridor of the hotel floods me with memories.  I took a moment to remember the girl I was 4 years ago, honoring who I’ve become on my journey. That girl  did not know she’d have a mastectomy exactly one year later.  She wanted to become a mother, but didn’t understand the urgency of her desire until faced with the possibility of not becoming one.   She became versed on clear intentions and action moving towards vision.  She learned how she was being trumped what she was doing.  She began to value vulnerability and intimacy by sharing from an open heart.  She learned how to ask for support, since she wasn’t created to do it all alone.  She learned responsibility and commitment needed embracing rather than shrinking. How perfect these lessons are flooding back this week, when I need them most.

In this week of anniversaries, I’m honoring her.  I’m honoring her for taking these steps and laying the foundation for taking flight into the unknown again, and remembering her wings on the way down.