The next time I debate whether or not I feel like writing, I’ll remember the gift it brings me. Not only do I get clarity about my present situation, but I see beauty in ordinary moments returning with fresh perspective.”
I often find snippets in my computer, and I’m not sure where they came from. On my archaeological dig looking for something else today, I found this short essay written one morning in a bed and breakfast 18 months ago. I share it because it reminds me our stories have purpose, even if we don’t see it in the moment. Which one do you want to write today and find months later?
I have had it easy as a parent up until now. My son was a happy baby, always quick to smile and make others laugh. Up until he was 8 months old, we could bring him out to nice dinners in his infant car seat. When he grew tired, he did not fuss. He just took his blanket and covered his head like a game of peek-a-boo.
Times are a-changing. We returned to an adult bed and breakfast in Cambria with him. The last time I was here was my fourth wedding anniversary. I was 21 weeks pregnant, and just learned I’d be having a son. I was over the moon in love with him already fantasizing about who he would be one day. I seemed to have forgotten what he might be like at 13 months.
In the last hour he tried to go head first into the bathtub, ran out the door and into the hallway almost falling down the stairs, and shook his head “no” every time I offered him food. I am exhausted and ready to go back to bed by 8 am, and we have only been up since 6:30.
Walking just started this month. With each day of our California trip, I grow fearful of returning to our non-toddler friendly home in New Jersey. He is going to be heading for the basement stairs pretty soon. Baby gates don’t work for him. He has attempted diving over one Indiana Jones-toddler style.
He tests his limits as he approaches the fireplace for the hundredth time this morning. I ask him, “What does Mama say?” and he shakes his head “no, no, no” and smiles. I know I am a goner. He’s got me wrapped around his finger with that smile melting my heart a little more.